So, new blog, new topics. For a while I’ve been struggling with subjects, mainly because I’d become lazy, but also because my very nosy 9 year old had taken it upon herself to start reading every single post I wrote, leaving me hanging in terms of what I can write about.
Father Xmas? Not so much. 50 Shades of Grey excitement? No chance. Sex lives? Are you kidding!? But (bad mum alert) I’ve banned her from reading this. She has started her own blog now, a mix of The Wanted & Moshi Monsters, so she doesn’t need to read mine anymore. Which means I can talk about everything I like to talk about, and then some.
So for my first “real me” post in a while I’m jumping in both feet first. It’s something that’s been bugging me a while & although I’ve spoken to Mr KATK and my friends about it, I’ve not actually written anything about it, so why the hell not eh?
If, like me, you love glossy mags & find yourself reading features about sex lives, you’d be forgiven for thinking we still live in a world where for women, sex is only about pleasing their man, and that they must learn a new *trick* each month (or fortnight depending on your magazine) to keep that privileged and expectant man happy.
Heaven forbid that those women may fancy a bit of sex themselves, or even, shock horror, want the man to learn something new.
If they’re married then you can guarantee that the man isn’t getting enough sex, because after all, it dries up once the woman has a ring on her finger. And if they’ve got kids? Well! Don’t even go there, clearly she’s got what she’s always wanted and now there is no need for her to ever have sex again…….. please.
I’ve been married for 11 years this year, together with the man for 15, and if in all that time I had been living the 1940′s housewife’s dream, well, I’d be either in a mental institution or divorced.
It doesn’t automatically go from wild, crazy sex in your early 20′s, to once a month, missionary position if the husband has been extra gentlemanly in your 30′s. Not all of us woman want to use sex as a reward or punishment (well, that’s a whole other post!) and funnily enough, not all of us think sex has to be about love and romance, flowers and big fluffy teddies. Some of us (actually, most of the women I know!) think of sex as sex. Like men do. Of course a romantic weekend is lovely, but I’d much rather a dirty one.
Men think about sex every 5 seconds they say. Well I’d like to think that I think about it at least every 10, obviously in-between doing the housework and looking pretty for my man. I spend a lot of my life being in charge, in control of the kids, the house, my work, our family timetable, after school clubs, shopping, etc.
It’s all very sensible and grown up. I don’t want to take that into the bedroom though! I may be a mum & a wife, but I’m still me, and I still want the sex I’ve always wanted. In fact, I want better sex. (And yes, I do get it) I’m not afraid to tell the hubs what I want, he knows he didn’t marry a wallflower, and even if he didn’t then, I’m sure he knows now. I’ll happily watch a decent porn film with him, I own some fantastic underwear & toys aren’t just for kids.
So why do we all still think that women don’t want sex, they want love making all the time? It can be (and is) as simple as needing to get into your partners pants. To want that physical act & endorphin rush to get you through the day, and maybe even an escape from the normal day to day life. It doesn’t mean we’re all becoming masculine and dominant, there’s a whole range of women between virginal angel and dirty madame.
When you get a group of women in the same room and throw in a couple of bottles of wine (or any alcohol you’d prefer) the talk will eventually get to sex. Yeah, we’ll all have a bitch about what he is or isn’t doing around the house, how much it annoys us when he forgets to do *insert whatever you like here*, but sooner or later we’ll start talking about it.
There’s a huge myth that it’s men who stand around the bar giving it large about what they did to their ‘woman’ last night & how she won’t be able to walk for a week, but seriously, has anyone ever heard their man talk like that? If he’s over the age of 19 that is? The men I know don’t talk about their relationships like that, they’ll talk about the fit woman they saw on the telly or in the street, but I don’t think they’d talk about the real side of the relationship. (feel free to correct me if I’m wrong here, I don’t want to quash one stereotype only to start another!)
Basically, women and men are the same. We both love sex (if we’re that way inclined obviously) and we both love good sex. There are women who only want it once a month/year, just like there are men, but there are also women who want it twice a day, as rough and as dirty as the man she’s married to.
We don’t always need hearts and flowers for him to get into our knickers.
Thanks for reading!