Confidence. Are you born with it or does it come from somewhere else? Family maybe, or personality?
I’ve never been overly confident. There are things I can do that I know I’m good at, I won’t question compliments and I’m proud to hear them, but there are things that I don’t feel are very good, and no amount of praise or reassurance will make me believe otherwise. Even if deep down, I’m actually quite impressed with myself.
As a child I was ridiculously shy, I wouldn’t go anywhere by myself and I certainly wouldn’t speak up unless I had to, I just wanted to hide away in the background quietly watching everyone else. I wasn’t sad, lonely or miserable, I had a fantastic family & great friends, who I could be myself with, but if anyone else looked at me? I’d blush bright pink (always a great look with red hair) and sound like a complete numpty.
It’s almost as if I felt I wasn’t good enough for other people, that perhaps I didn’t meet their expectations of me and rather than them find out how utterly useless I am (I’m not) I’d rather they didn’t need to speak to me at all, at least that way nothing is expected of me.
The only problem with that is, I like people to expect things of me, I like to push myself & find new things to experience. If I had to choose between spending the rest of my life doing a few things with no one judging me, or doing amazing, exciting things with the whole world watching, it would take me a while to decide…..! I mean honestly, how stupid is that?!
My online ‘persona’ is, as always, feisty redhead. Naturally. And I’m good at it. Because deep down, that’s who I am. If someone were to upset my kids on purpose, or deliberately set out to cause problems for someone, I’d have no hesitation in ripping their heads off. But make it about me? That’s a whole other story.
A good friend of mine says she tells herself she is fabulous every day, then she believes it. To look at her, you would never question her confidence. It’s her mantra, something that she has found works for her, and it really does!
Can it be as simple as that? Can you tell yourself you’re confident and eventually it’ll become real? Is it really a state of mind?
Think of the confident people you know, are they really that different to you, or do they just act different? Deep down we all have the same insecurities, only some people hide theirs better.
For me, I place the emphasis on how I look, maybe, I’m finding out, it’s because I always stood out as a child, so now any insecurities I have get placed in that category, even if they have nothing to do with it. I cannot stand having the attention on me, I’d much rather it be all about you.
My weight is a constant battle, but not in a physical way, it’s all in my mind. I want to lose a few pounds, but will that really make me more confident? Will anyone else care what number is on the scales as much as I will?
I have a feeling (using my sensible side here) that actually, I’ll get to whatever this desired weight is, and then find there’s something else about myself I don’t like. Then what do I do? I refuse to spend the rest of my life not liking me. Of all the people I know, surely I should be important to myself.
Can you really fake it? Or is it a case of genes? Confidence isn’t a physical thing, nobody can give it one description because it means something different to each person, for one it may be someone who can stand up and speak in front of a crowd without having any notes, for another it might be eating in a restaurant on their own, there are no rules for being confident, it’s all about what you perceive and what you want from your own life.
Personally, I want to get rid of all the little niggling voices I have (not crazy ones!) in my head telling me I’m not good enough. Because I am good enough, and it’s about time I became the confident person I pretend to be.